Gifts
by Oldmovie
Summary: A oneshot about the power of simple gift giving. House/Cuddy set on X-mas Eve


House knew why Cuddy worked late into the night on Christmas. He would look into her office and see her hunched over her work, a frown on her face as she ran her eyes over numbers that didn't make any sense. Then as though she had been shown the light, a slight twitch of the eyebrow would indicate she understood and her eyes would suddenly shine with a dull sense of pride. House would wait, staring into her office for the moment she would suddenly have the feeling of being watched and she would glance up from her work forcing their eyes to meet. Then House would see the smile. It's a rare thing to see the smile Cuddy gave him on those late nights before Christmas. It was a smile most people only get maybe 4 or 5 times in their life. It was a small smile of quiet understanding and reassurance, mixed with the pained bitterness that she knew he and she shared. A look of almost hopelessness but with faith at the same time, the faith of a longing heart more devout to its religion than any fanatic could claim to be. Cuddy stayed those late nights on the holidays to help her heart to grieve in a way she could only allow it to. Those long hours prevented her from going home to a house that would remain empty, would not be filled with the squeals of children the next morning upon finding presents and would never have the warm embrace of a husband, instead would wrap its frosty fingers around her heart and once again throttle what was left of it. House would nod to those smiles and limp on, guilty he could not give some of his time to help her procrastinate, but that smile chilled him in a way the snow falling outside couldn't. He did not share in Cuddy's pain of being alone. Instead he blacked out the emptiness and replaced it with a hatred of the holiday and everything it stood for. Rather than allowing himself to dwell on what he didn't have, House would replace those absent feelings with anger, anger that would extinguish any need or desire for things associated with the holidays. But when she smiled, his anger was stripped away and he was forced to acknowledge, like her, how lonely he actually was. That was why he would limp on past her year after year, taking his ritual dosing of human feelings and allow her for a moment to strip him of all bitterness and anger, allowing her for one moment to see him pure and vulnerable. Although Cuddy would never understand why he did this, House acknowledged it as his secret present to Cuddy, his own spreading of the Christmas spirit. He gave Cuddy solace, that she wasn't alone in her struggles and hope; he gave Cuddy hope for the future.

* * *

Cuddy would watch House limp past her year after year, it was their secret ritual. He would stand and wait for her to lift her eyes and meet his, exchanging a smile and a nod, then he would limp on cleansed in some way. She didn't understand what House seemed to get out of this, but the thought of their secret exchange would help her to get through those lonely nights leading up to the Christmas. The way he stared into her eyes and watched her lips as they formed into that infamous smile gave her a feeling she couldn't quite describe. His intensity, his determination let Cuddy feel wanted in some way. Feel as though she did have a purpose besides shuffling through paperwork and sucking up to potential donors. The fact that year after year, their secret tradition hadn't changed. That they still swapped this strange stare they shared meant something. Sometimes Cuddy liked to pretend it was longing, or maybe even a glance of adoration, but she knew better, it was a message. House was different for a moment, just for a second in time. His eyes seemed so open and revealing, begging Cuddy to translate their coded shimmering into meaning. She knew House was trying to reveal something about himself, open up to her in a way she could never interpret, then the moment was gone, he would limp on and she would be left with a feeling of serenity. His stare would reassure of her of something she could never quite put her finger on, but it soothed something inside of her, telling her it was going to be alright. Although she knew this was stupid and frankly things weren't alright, every Christmas she was left feeling a little lighter.

* * *

This year had been a little different than years prior. Their relationship had changed in a way he wasn't sure about, and House felt that maybe this tradition needed to come to an end. He wasn't comfortable exposing himself to her anymore, something was different and he couldn't quite take her smile anymore feeling somehow he was a part of the cause. Guilt ridden and loaded down with a feeling he was a little scared of, House limped past Cuddy's office this year, not casting a glance in her direction. This is why he wasn't prepared for when her voice called out, "What was that?"

House turned around surprised at her voice and Cuddy came out of her office, she repeated, "What was that?"

"What?" He replied.

"You just walk on by, not even a glance?" she asked, hoping her hint was subtle enough.

"Forgot," House mumbled.

Cuddy was a little hurt, but knew him better than that, "We're the only ones pathetic enough to be here tonight you know that, you never forget."

"Maybe I'm just getting old." House answered, uncomfortable and began to limp away, Cuddy gently pulled on his arm, silently pleading him to stay.

"We're all getting old," she said slowly, processing the thought herself.

"The miracle of Christmas huh?" House said sarcastically.

"Or Hanukah." She replied.

"Trust the Jews to rain on everybody's parade."House said, he looked down and noticed her hand still lay on his arm, seeing him glance down Cuddy quickly removed it.

"Quoting Funny Girl doesn't exactly aid you in thwarting the Jews." Cuddy said with an eyebrow raised.

"Right Streisand couldn't let you forget that fact for a moment could she? So what is Dr. Cuddy doing for Christmas?" House asked putting emphasis on the last word.

"I don't celebrate Christmas." She said.

"Fine then Hanukah."

"No, I mean I don't do anything this time of year."

"Nothing, no family to have exasperatingly long conversations with, no man to play secret Santa with? And I'm not talking about exchanging gifts." House said with eyebrows raised.

"Nope, it's a stupid holiday anyway." She said shakily, obvious she was lying.

"I'm sure that's exactly how you feel." House replied sarcastically.

"Why wouldn't I-"House cut her off.

"Cuddy you're telling me that you've never thought about the screaming kids, or the eggnog, or the house done up with lights, with the big tree in the middle and stockings hung up over the cozy fire? Never thought of you and your spouse being woken up in the middle of the night by kids desperate to open presents, tell me," House said looking into her eyes, "truthfully, you really think all of that is stupid?"

Cuddy had a slight faraway look about her but answered defiantly, "It's obvious you do."

"But you don't." He said firmly. Cuddy studied him for a second before breaking into that smile of her's again

"Merry Christmas House." She said with the small smile spread gently over her face.

House stared at her, half with amusement at her getting her smile in and half amazed by the change. The smile was different, it glowed, she glowed. Although she looked the same, her eyes seemed to radiate this feeling of dare he say it…hope? He gave her a funny look, what was different?

"What's different?" He said before his brain could stop him.

"What?" She asked innocently.

House was stuck now but was too curious to care, "Your smile, it's different."

"My smile?" she played with him.

"What's different?" He repeated, not allowing her to have the satisfaction of hearing more than necessary.

"Maybe it's not what is different," she paused, "but whom?" with that she walked away from him back to her office.

House stared after her and smiled, not entirely sure what she had meant but had a strange feeling that somehow Cuddy had managed to give him her own secret Christmas gift. Just as wrapped up and confusing and different as their relationship was, so were their gifts they gave to each other. House knew she had given him something because once again he felt stripped and vulnerable, but instead of feeling the satisfying feeling of nothingness when he limped away, he felt something he hadn't for a long time, hope. He smiled and limped out the doors of Princeton Plainsboro. He let the snow fall on his face for a second and glanced back inside, "Merry Christmas Cuddy," He whispered to himself.


End file.
